Some adult/two-sided conversation?
Some people have asked me "Don't you want to return to work for the adult/two-sided conversation?" Well I already have adult conversation with terrific friends whenever I want it...it's just a visit, a phone call, an email, a blog, and for lucky me, a house across the street and a house next door away! And here's the thing...the conversation topics are things we want to talk about (and often wind up laughing about). My networking targets have changed dramatically. I am no longer in awe at the thought of an interaction with a manager high up in the corporate chain. Instead I'm in awe of amazing mothers with beautiful happy sweet children and seek out interactions with them. They are the ones I want to "rub elbows" with and learn from. These accomplished women are the ones I want to mentor me and show me the "tricks of the trade." Additionally I also have two-sided conversations in the coos and gurgles of an almost 5-month old...these conversations we share are my most cherished.
Valued contributor?
I thought I might need to work to feel as if I am a "valued contributor." Well I have that in my work here at home. (and let's be honest here...when you are working as a government consultant, there are many days that you find yourself questioning the value of your contribution!) :p Right now as mothering is mostly physical, my sense of accomplishment is in feeling and seeing the smooth rolls of baby skin on those pudgy thighs, double chin, and chubby cheeks. It's in hearing the satisfaction and hunger satiation in the happy sighs of my baby boy content with nourishment from his mommy. It's in the smiles and belly laughs of a joyous little man. It's in the wide receptive eyes that are taking in the world as I narrate as much as possible to him. I am a valued contributor...this is the most important work I will ever do...and I Love it!
Work Wardrobe
Monica had a pretty good point. She asked me, "Well, are you excited about getting dressed and ready for work?" What Mon, do you not like the sweatpants and nursing tanks I have worn every day for 5 months??? :p Did I mention my proud mommy accessories of spit-up and drool? Seriously though, I've been so comfortable lately...no stiff suits and confining jackets, no pinching shoes, no need to think about what I'm going to wear and what accessories match. (spit-up and drool go with anything!) Sure it'll be fun to put on my suits again (for about 5 minutes). Then I'll be jonesin' for my sweats and welcoming the drool-accompanied snuggles.
New experiences for Brady
Okay, so I'll concede this one. I am happy that Brady is going to be exposed to all sorts of new fun. We were down at the daycare the other day going through some paperwork. I had Brady in the Bjorn and he began to fuss a little. I automatically started to get up and sway a little bit. But there was no need as he was quickly distracted by his friendly little classmates who danced and sang for him, talked to him, and helped him out by giving him his paci. These little people were so cute and Brady was fascinated by the live (pint-sized) entertainment. I know he'll have fun there and that does make me happy.
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Pictures from yesterday (May 14) and today (May 15):
2 comments:
i understand ALL that you've said and all that you're feeling. just let yourself feel it. and you'll get through the day one hour at a time. i'll be praying!
I'm thinking of you today! I hope you ride to work wasn't as bad a my first day back. I know the feelings you are having today but you will get through it and Brady will thrive as well. Hoping you nine hours goes quickly just think what you get to come home to-- a beautiful face who will light up when he sees you! Now does Brett still do that? I know Andy doesn't!
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