Brett needed new tires put on his car. He ordered the tires online and just needed some place to mount them. Goodyear wanted $175. What?! Walmart said they'd do it for 8. Well alrighty then. But here's the catch...their appointment schedule (or lack thereof) is entirely elusive. Brett tried all of last week- weekdays and weekends. So he asks me to give it a shot. I say, "Sure, Brady and I are home. Why not?" At 2:00 at our second visit there (the first was at 10 a.m. when we were told to come back at 2), we finally got confirmation that they could do the job. I was thinking I was all prepared. I had a bottle, a change of clothes, and the stroller for Brady. I figured we would stroll around Walmart while the car was being done. I was thinking maybe an hour or two?
Brady started off really great. Sleepy and relaxed which allowed me to walk leisurely up and down the aisles. About an hour in to this adventure, he's a little cranky so I decide to feed him his bottle. Cool. That goes well too. Then I hear him going potty and go in search of the restrooms. I walk from the back of the store to the front of the store where there is a sign that tells me there is a family restroom...which I discover is at the back of the store. Off we go. Surprisingly, the family restroom at Walmart is really not too bad. I mean, I'm still bothered by germs because that's just me, but it did exceed my expectations...as did the explosive load Brady's Pampers Swaddlers and his outfit were carrying! Whoa dude! Now to date all explosions have been in the comfort of our home so I could calmly and swiftly clean the boy and the clothes. Well here we are in Walmart's family restroom. Brady is taking this all in stride and just laying there looking at me (as I clean him from head to toe and throw his clothes in the sink). I use every last wipe I have in the diaper bag and get him clean and in to a new outfit. I take him off the Koala Bear Care station that I have layered with paper towels and disposable changing pads and lay him in the stroller and narrate my next actions to him in an attempt to entertain him and maintain his good mood. These actions consist of trying to rinse dookie out of one of my favorite outfits of his while the automatic faucet turns on and off. Ah, fun times. But at this point, I'm patting myself on the back and feeling pretty good. I tell Brady, "Check me out. I can totally handle this. It's all good. Everything will be clean. All is well." We finally leave the family restroom with clean kid and rinsed clothes bundled. Not bad.
Then Brady begins to fuss. I'm standing in the layaway section of the store (outside the family restroom) and begin to rock him. That's not really working, so I "pull a Meemaw" and resort to doing squats to calm him down. For some reason this motion that my mom discovered, works like a charm with Brady. We joke and say that Brady needs a swing that is designed like the Tower of Terror ride at Disney. ;-p
Anyway so now all really is well. Brady's back in the stroller and I decide to do a little shopping. A little ways in to this, Brady starts fussing. I'm pushing the stroller and talking to him...to try to calm him down and also in an attempt to communicate to on-lookers that I'm not a terrible mother who is sacrificing my baby's happiness in order to shop Walmart deals. So here I am saying, "It's okay buddy. You have to try and relax. We can't go home yet because our car has no wheels. When the men are done working on our car here, we will go home. I promise." <-insert sarcastic voice-> Numerous Walmart staff and customers, helpful in every way they can be, offered their astute advice: "Is your baby hungry?" "Maybe your baby needs his diaper changed." I mean seriously people, do you think I haven't thought of this?! So Brady's cries now escalate to "Purple Tera Dactyl" status. Purple Tera Dactyl are what we call these heart-wrenching cries of Brady's where he seems to almost turn purple and runs out of breath causing him to sound like a tera dactyl. At this point I'm sweating like Richard Simmons as I carry Brady in one arm, push the stroller with the other, and do squats up and down the aisles of Walmart. The Meemaw trick does not work nearly as quickly this time, but eventually it does. At least the Purple Tera Dactyl stops, but the cries are still continuing...and my phone is ringing. It's the auto dept of the store trying to ask me questions. I can't hear a thing and I scream in to the phone, "I'm heading your way." I did hear the guy's response as he says, "Oh wow! I see you coming."
I must have looked crazed...a sweaty red-faced mom with a phone up to her ear running his way with a stroller containing a screaming baby. He tells me they cannot find the wheel lock. What the heck is a wheel lock??? I'm like, "uh, I don't know. (thinking dude, you're the professional) Let me call my husband." Well Brett's in a building downtown where he get spotty cell phone reception. I'm redialing Brett's phone over and over while I'm also trying to hold the pacifier in Brady's mouth and rock the stroller. While the phone is ringing, I again narrate what I'm doing for the benefit of curious on-lookers. I'm not entirely sure why I think I care what these people think. But here I am saying, "Shh Brady it's okay. We just need to get in touch with Daddy so he can tell the nice men working on his car where the wheel lock is...whatever that is!" They finally find it in the trunk and tell me it should be another hour or so. Just great. Needless to say, I'm on the move (rocking or squatting while holding the paci in Brady's mouth) for the next hour. Finally they tell me the car is ready and I can check out. There was a nice guy (a customer) who looks at Brady fussing and says, "Don't worry. Nothing 25 mph won't instantly fix." lol, it's funny because it's true and I thought that was nice...unlike the cashier's comment. Now granted she's been watching me do the baby workout in attempts to quiet Brady for the past hour but she says, "Wow! You are either a really great mom or you're deaf." Um, I think that was supposed to be a compliment? Wait, no it wasn't; it was just rude. I wanted to tell her that he really is a good boy, but he's been trapped in Walmart for the past almost 4 hours while her pokey colleagues took their sweet time finding the wheel lock and servicing our car. But really at this point I'm too tired to offer a snarky reply and I just pay and leave. *sigh* What an adventure! ;-p
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